NFL beast power rankings: Ferocious felines or angry birds?
Alfred Hitchcock knew how powerfully scary “The Birds” could be. The NFL does, too.
No wonder five of its teams accept ornithological nicknames, beating out the feline- (four) and equine- (ii) inclined for beastly potency in the league.
More: NFL stars and their ‘Star Wars’ counterparts
Does going animal with a franchise pb to favor on the field? Sure; see seven Super Bowlers and a triumphant trio touted. Simply that’southward made middling by the misery of many in this menagerie.
Because it’due south the offseason, here’s a ability ranking of the NFL’south xiv animal mascots.
What the heck is a Seahawk? Information technology’due south what Seattle names its squad for attracting alliteration instead of the less awe-inspiring Ospreys. Forget Russell Wilson and Richard Sherman — it’s that mad beak and crazy eyes imposing bluish-light-green intimidation in our direction. Because Seahawks are fake, we can give them magical mystical powers such as fire-breathing and soul-sucking. We have a winner.
Besides the rumor that The Rolling Stones wrote “Wild Horses” virtually Tim Tebow and Peyton Manning, everyone loves the rodeo and 1963 Ford Mustangs. Getting rough and bucking pretty much defines life in the NFL. It’due south a royal, free beast worthy of a multiple Super Bowl champion.
You exercise love #Merica, don’t you? Bald and beautiful, they soar to stand for the land of the free and home of the dauntless. We’ll fifty-fifty forgive the Philadelphia fanatics for not e’er sharing the brotherly beloved our forefathers intended. Remember, if Benjamin Franklin had his mode, they could accept easily been founded every bit the Turkeys.
If we could watch a prime number-time infinite opera about the intergalactic vino trade, it would be called “Millennium Falcon Crest.” Nosotros believe falconry should be the national pastime. It’southward besides our favorite underrated Avenger and preferred Peregrine. Information technology’due south part Militarist, part Thrasher, all Atlanta.
Grizzly. Kodiak. Black. Brown. Gilt. Polar. Teddy. Koala (not really). Winnie The. Paddington. Glennon (yes, actually). There’s not a bear nosotros haven’t met that we haven’t liked. They are the right combination of cuddly and ferocious. Kind of similar Dick Butkus.
Technically without a noun to modify, the moniker is a multiple of the Indian state of the same proper noun. You know, where Kolkata is and from which the land of People’s republic of bangladesh is derived. OK, plenty geography — simply kidding. Although tigers are not indigenous to western Ohio, we guess the Cincinnati Zoo is close enough. Fun fact: They are lot more powerful solo than whatsoever other big true cat. Imagine if they became a team …
This literary reference is non lost on us. A team named afterward a poem named later on a bird? Brilliant! If Edgar Allan Poe were alive today, he would be proud of their two rings and etch Joe Flacco in eternity with an ode to “The Elite.” Also, black birds can cause weird nightmares when pecking at y’all in bars spaces.
Who cares if they were named after the color and non the bird that was named later on the color? And who cares that when they were called the Phoenix Cardinals, that they also were the Cardinal Phoenix? From Chicago to St. Louis to Arizona, they’ve been proud ruddy as the official bird of many a state. Information technology doesn’t injure that at that place’s also something a piffling holy most them.
Calling them the Jags doesn’t practise the sweet sound of Jacksonville Jaguars justice. Forget their spotty success over the years; they’ve always shown their truthful spots as a Florida animal sighting that Dave Barry would muse virtually. They’re likewise the merely NFL team indirectly named for a luxury car, because Lexii doesn’t audio good.
Some would say that Panthers are Jaguars and Jaguars are Panthers. Scratch that, cat. We exercise like the Black and Blue concept in Carolina, simply there’s something a little more kitty-kitty virtually information technology. The Pumas and Mount Lions have to be feeling a little left out. Ocelots and Leopards never actually stood a chance.
This might seem like a low ranking for the King of the Jungle, only you can bet the consistent Leo horrorscope in Detroit has something to do with information technology. The render of Voltron gives the Lions more street cred, but that too was making up for the Disneyfication of them. They still should be a mane source of pride.
When a horse is born, information technology’s a little foal-floppy. Colts are a piddling chip older and wiser, simply they are still non the wisest young males. We would love this name a lot more than if Indianapolis was competing in the Kentucky Derby and not trying to proceed up with, you know, the Broncos.
Are they sheep? Are they goats? Heck, they could even be fish. Ewe are kidding yourselves if you lot think you know which ane. As well, there’s never been anything Cleveland or Los Angeles or St. Louis or Los Angeles about them.
Ever since “Snowflake” became a lost pet and “Sea World” started to rethink some things, we see no porpoise in exploiting a love aquatic mammal in this fashion. If only they were the Miami Manatees, we could as well call them the Miami Merman. Like sonar and making some cute noises is going to scare you on Sun.